


Why, Wilford?

by horsesandrobotsandtimelordsohmy (orphan_account)



Series: What the Egos Do When Mark and Jack Aren’t Looking [2]
Category: Ego Inc., Youtube RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Have fun reading this plotless monster, I’ll stop tagging now, Pure, You could get high off this, and, and the mansion shows up too, i had way too much fun writing it, just an idea, kind of ties into Beyond the Static Curtain, like a really big part, self promotions, the office plays a big part, utter - Freeform, yay, you should go read that too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 16:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14919057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/horsesandrobotsandtimelordsohmy
Summary: There are so many things wrong with this but I’m writing at 12:10 am as per the usual and I don’t give a motherfluffing shizzle. Not like this.Also can anyone advise me as to how to add a work to more than one series?





	Why, Wilford?

**Author's Note:**

> There are so many things wrong with this but I’m writing at 12:10 am as per the usual and I don’t give a motherfluffing shizzle. Not like this.
> 
> Also can anyone advise me as to how to add a work to more than one series?

It is common knowledge that when a person owns a home, they generally take care of it for sanitary and practical reasons. They also do not purposely damage or wreck the property unless they have good reason, such as initiating demolition for a remodel or reconstruction. Especially if the building is sentient. 

_**Especially if the building houses more than one other person and IS SENTIENT.** _

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night, the wind wailing forlornly outside, rain pounding against the windows with a steady _patpatpatpat,_ and thunder and lightning dancing their deadly tango as the storm raged on. The inhabitants of the building, Dark, Host, Dr. Iplier, Bim, and the four Googles, were unaware of the elemental battle being waged outside. 

They moved unconcernedly about their evening tasks; Dark gently brushing Dema’s shadowy fur, the Host recording away, Dr. Iplier contentedly organizing his supplies, Bim carefully going over the following day’s show plan, and the Googles - for once - relaxing and getting some extra charge in.

The roars of the snarling weather outside hardly penetrated the walls of their home, the Office, or as some called it, Ego Inc. 

The greyscale building, a mixture of modern business and medieval mansion sat solidly braced against the elements outside, its thick walls and sound construction defying the blasting rain and gusts of wind swirling about. 

 

That is, until the building _vanished._  Without a sound or a trace. 

 

Thankfully, none of the egos had been on the second story but instead had been gathered in the communal living room or sequestered away in their rooms, and so they simply sat down on the sodden grass with a collective “oomph” that was lost in the wind. They immediately gathered together, shouting in an effort to hear each other over the noise.

Dark’s words were the first to be recognized. 

“WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? WHERE'D THE BUILDING GO?”

Thanks to his manipulative powers, Host was next. “THE HOST DOESN'T KNOW BUT HE DOES KNOW THAT THEY WILL ALL CATCH HYPOTHERMIA IF THEY REMAIN IN THIS WEATHER MUCH LONGER!”

Dr. Iplier followed with “THAT’S RIGHT! WE’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS WEATHER! MOST OF ALL THE GOOGLES, THEY AREN’T BUILT FOR THIS MUCH RAIN! MUCH MORE AND THEY’LL SHORT CIRCUIT!”

The Googles all nodded, their systems struggling to stay running under the sudden onslaught of water, despite their protective synthetic skin.

Bim looked like a drowned rat, shaking in his purple suit. “SHOULD WE GO TO EGO CENTRAL? THAT BUILDING IS STILL THERE!”

With a group nod, they set off across the street to reach their neighbors’ property and still standing building. The wind nearly knocked the Host over, but he was roughly caught by Dark before he could be bowled over.

Before he could be rescued from the wind, however, the Host caught sight of a young girl huddled on the grass behind them. He lurched away from the group, despite their shouts, and stumbled to his knees next to the girl. Within the confines of his overcoat, which he threw around both their shoulders, he was able to speak in a much quieter tone.

”The Host wonders what the girl is doing here, and if he can invite her to come with them to Ego Central. It is rather wet out in the open.”

”Huh? Who’re you talking — oh, yeah. Yeah, I’ll go.”

And with that the Host and the mysterious girl joined the group, albeit slowly, and trekked the tenth of a mile to Ego Inc. By the time they made it, everyone was soaked to the bone. The Septic egos bustled about like worried momma hens, fetching blankets and hot drinks and dry clothes (which didn’t fit but Robbie didn’t know any better the sweet boi). Even Anti joined in, glitching the water out of the dripping egos’ clothes (along with the odd dollar or two but no one noticed) and drying out the Googles’ systems. They ran multiple anti-virus checks and programs afterwards, despite Anti’s promises that he had left nothing behind.

Finally, when they were all dry, sitting either by a heater or still wrapped in blankets, did anyone remember the girl. She had received the same treatment as the others, but through it all, she had remained almost stoically silent, her lips pursed in a tight line. It was also then that everyone noticed the lack of a certain pink haired psychopath. 

 **Where’s Warstache?** Jameson’s slide inquired. Schneep looked quizzically at Iplier, who in turn looked at Host, who looked at the Googles, still wringing water out of their hair, who looked at Bim, who looked at Dark. Dark shrugged and went back to drying out his planner. 

The girl spoke up. _He’s currently indisposed._

Every ego in the room started, and turned to look at her.

”What do you mean, _indisposed?_ ”

_I mean, indisposed. As in he can’t come to the door right now, for lack of a better phrase._

“What have you done with him, girl?” Dark growled. 

 _Listen, if you poked a bear with a stick, what do you think the bear would do? Laugh it off?_ _Wilford did, apparently. Except he poked it with a burning stick._

A soft ‘whoosh’ filled the air and another smaller, brown haired girl with blue eyes appeared. She was greeted with soft murmurs of “Hello, Cenny,” from all the Septics except Anti, who _hugged her_? 

“Hey, little sister.”

Hey, Anti.

She turned her attention to the only other girl in the room.

Izzy.

_Cenny._

What happened this time?

_Wilford tried to burn my basement supports._

The Iplier egos’ heads followed the dialogue, and their expressions grew even more confused. Finally Bim butted in and asked, “I hate to interrupt, but who are you?”

The name’s Cenny, with a c. I’m the human-ish embodiment of Ego Central.

Enlightened ah’s were heard from all around the room, and Bim pressed on, inquiring of the other girl, “And you are?”

A shocked expression passed over the girl’s face, followed by  _Oh! I completely forgot that I’ve never shown myself to you guys before! I’m sorry! Anyway, I’m Izzy, and I’m the ‘human-ish’ version of Ego Incorporated. And before you ask, the reason my building form disappeared was because Wilford attempted to burn the basement supports ‘for fun.’ If you ask me —_

“The man’s a lunatic, we know, “ Bim finished for her. “But where is he now?” 

*cut to Wilford rolling around in a straight jacket in a plain white room in Izzy’s void pocket*

”Lemme out, I swear I won’t do it again! Just please give my butterfly knife back, _pleeeasee???”_

 


End file.
